Bully problems

I mentioned this earlier and thought that I'd write up a little on the off chance that any of you have sage advice to dispense. :) Vent alert... I'm just fed up with the situation.

We've had a problem with two girls (well, one in particular, and the other joins in off and on) targeting C for about a year now at church. There are comments, picking about clothes or behavior, teasing about anything that they can latch onto, and just plain harassment through things like mouthing "shut up" or "I hate you" from across the room. Our problem is that this little girl is very manipulative and has a knack for being sneaky, so when you contrast this to my sometimes loud, always dramatic/emotional, and very concrete/black & white thinking child you get a sneaky action that no one sees followed by my daughter making a louder "that's not fair" type of response. In other words... people hear my kid first. We've been fighting the powers that be to have them listen and actually do something, but it really didn't seem to help. We had responses such as "the problem is that they are just alike" or "you have to understand normal behavior for girls this age." Personally, having my kid cry every Sunday and dread church isn't normal behavior. Nothing changed, and we dealt with it on our own.

The problems then got bigger when we had issues pop up in Sunday school class. Not only was this little girl and her sometimes partner in crime in the same class (since everything at our church is divided by age), but the teachers were making comments that I don't necessarily agree with regarding salvation. We pulled her out of class and talked to the power that be. Nothing was done. We dealt with it on our own. My kid is upset because the reality is that she will be with this child until she's in college if we remain members at this church.

Well, it came time to turn in our commitments as to what volunteer positions we would take on for the upcoming year in the children's department. I'm probably involved too much anyway, but I decided that I needed to step back and be mom a bit more than servant if we were having so many issues. All of a sudden it seemed that people wanted to know what was going on with my kid now that it affected my commitment to volunteer. (If I sound ticked, it's because I am! lol I'm there two to three times a week because of teaching/volunteering, and my problems didn't become valid until it threatened the time I would give to the church. Makes me feel used...) We've had a large part of the last week dedicated to conversations, emails, and decision making over this, and it's just not settling for me. With some of the reactions that we've gotten from the "powers" it seems that we are supposed to take the high road, teach my kid how to think abstractly about it rather than concretely (near direct quote) and understand that the problems with this little girl may be bigger than the problems my kid is facing (again, near direct quote.) I totally understand acting in Christ-like love, but I also don't think my kid is supposed to be in the line of fire when she can't handle it. Example of Sunday's latest comment.... this child whispered to my kid during the group lesson in children's church was "Everyone hates you. You have no friends here. Why don't you just leave?" This leaves my kid in knots with stomach aches and restless nights. Again, I was told that my kid wasn't a child anymore (she's not 10 yet!), and that she needs to learn to look at things in the abstract so that she can help this child through whatever problems she's having that is causing her to lash out. We've been told that they understand if we need to leave, but that they can't ask anyone - meaning this child - to leave the church service. (She is also bullying several other children so my question was why couldn't she be asked to sit with her parents during service until this is under control.) We've been told that they will miss us and they love us, but they understand if we need to make decisions about what to do. So, this along with various other details make me feel like the bully is protected rather than the victim. (Oh - my kid got in trouble Sunday for turning her back on this child when she was picking on her.... they said that it was aggressive body language that would feed into further behavior on the bully's part. grrrr)

Oh, and this bully (and the powers that be) are all homeschoolers.

So, my latest dilemma is what to do with this situation. I'm seriously considering a change in churches. At the very least, my kid is out of Sunday School, and I'll cut back on some responsibilities so that I can be with her during service time. More likely, however, I'll be looking for a new congregation. The only positive is that I can hopefully find a "family integrated" type of worship that will give way to some of the ideas that I'm finding personally applicable to me right now and that might be a better fit for my family. I just don't relish the thought of moving to another church. I found one group that has an "early church/Hebraic" focus, but I don't know that I agree with everything that they believe. More thought and prayer. I think that I'm just dragging my feet against change, but I just don't see any way around this. My husband thinks that God is trying to move me but I'm just not listening. :) Either way, I want my kid to want to be in church again. I don't want to have her grow up with one of those "church was miserable when I was a kid" stories.

I never thought that I'd have to deal with a bully as a homeschooler. :(

Comments are welcome and encouraged on this one. Toss out any suggestion that you've got.